Houston Highway Robbery

What came first, the motorcyclist or the motorcycle license? More on that later.

A day after my father castigated me about not having done the title change or insurance on my FJ1200, I got pulled over for "being a dick" as the bastard police officer said (I can't stand cops...I was warming up the highly inefficient rear tire by going left to right in my lane). My Dad either jinxed me, or is clairvoyant. I think he definitely jinxed me. Anyways, I was told by the cop that he was letting me go easy and giving me a ticket for no license and no insurance, when he COULD have tacked on reckless driving. He also told me I could go to the local HPD substation to resolve the ticket after I did my insurance and got my license. I kept my mouth shut and drove home (I wanted to laugh at him, but I refrained). After getting insurance, transferring the title I got my license (more on that later) and went to resolve the ticket this morning. When I went to the substation the kind ladies assisted me (after they got off their cell phones on personal calls). I was told that my insurance ticket was dropped but that my license would only be lessened to 25 bucks. That pissed me off but whatever, at least it wasn't a total of 425 dollars like it could have been with both charges. But what really grabbed my ass was the court fee. 67 fucking dollars!! WTF is up with that? That shits highway robbery! Not only do they get paid on tax day and through fines and whatnot, but then they have to charge an outrageous "court" cost to boot, with no actual court appearance. I asked the lady if the 67 dollars was for an actual court appearance and she told me it didn't matter whether or not I went to court, the fee was always assessed. I wanted to punch her computer in the face but I didn't. I just sat there silently with a smile on my face for about 10 seconds and then said OK. After that I was called up to the desk again to sign an electronic pad. As I approached and picked up the pen to sign I realized that I had no idea what I was signing. I asked the lady what the hell I was signing and asked her for a copy of it and she said she didn't have anything for me. So I asked her to turn her monitor around so I could read it. Turns out it was a waiver of rights because I was refusing a trial...something you should be told to read before signing. I was really pissed at this point. How many people have signed that pad without even asking the lady behind the desk what the fuck they were signing. That shit should be illegal and they should be required to tell the person signing what exactly they are relinquishing. DOn't get me wrong, I am a big proponent of personal responsibility, but they didn't even give me a print out. So fuck them, that shit's gay.

Now for the motorcycle license. This one is fucking ridiculous. So, we all know how terrible the DMV is...that's a tired old subject that seems to be universal no matter what state you're in so I'm not going to talk about the wait or shit like that (frankly, it didn't even take that long). My problem is with the logistics behind the actual driving test and how you have to do it when on a motorcycle. It seems the age old question of the chicken and the egg hasn't been answered, or even contemplated by the folks at Texas DOT. Get this, to do your motorcycle driving test, you must have a licensed motorcyclist drive your motorcycle to the DMV while you drive a follow vehicle for the examiner to sit in whilst they grade you on your driving skills. This is a big fucking problem. Consider this: what if you don't have any friends who drive motorcycles, what if you don't have any friends (like you just moved to Houston), what if (like most people) all of your friends work during the week? Any and all of those things can prohibit you from ever getting your motorcycle license. How does this make any sense? Well, the more I thought of it the more I realized that it is just a money making scam. It seems the only possible way to get your license other than the DMV is to take a Motorcycle Safety Foundation three day course (which is fucking nuts) for something like $100 to $300. These are usually offered by bigger dealers and some community colleges and the motorcycles are typically provided. Discounts are given if you purchase a new bike from the dealer and sometimes even a helmet of some previously decided worth is also thrown into the deal. This is all bullshit though. We provide the DMV with both equipment and salaries through our tax dollars and WE still have to provide a following vehicle? How is that even remotely fair? The whole system is a sham. I was lucky enough to have a friend come with me on a friday he luckily had off...but that's not the end of the story. When the tough guy Trooper came out to my buddies truck which had his wife and kids in it he refused to use the truck because the children would be a liability. WHAT? This was fucking news to me. Apparently, my buddy Jon is unable to safely drive his vehicle with his kids in the car AND an examiner. He was PISSSSSED and started yelling to me and at the trooper about how it was bullshit. The trooper then got tough with me and said I wasn't allowed to take the test and that I had to come back. I told him to shove it and that my friends actions don't reflect on me. By a stroke of pure luck, the guy in front of me in line was also taking his motorcycle test and his driver offered to be my follow driver for the test (motorcycle riders DO stick together). So all in all it worked out, but was a much bigger pain in the ass than it ever has to be.

I know this isn't news or political, but it's definitely something that is fucked up with the government here in Texas. Seriously.